This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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