I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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