Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
