Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
