i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
