You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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