More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
