Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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