Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
