A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
