talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
