White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
