Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
be right there i have to get my cape
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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