By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
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oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
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I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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