Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
