She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
