I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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