Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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