You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
