if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
i black out too much to be "responsible"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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