is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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