Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
