i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
