you will always have a special place in my vag
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
