I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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