Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
