And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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