I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
