Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
