I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
