one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
