dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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