hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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