Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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