The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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