he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Randomize
