My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
