As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
