when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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