I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
