his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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