How'd it feel making her break her religion?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
