If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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