i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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