Where is the hickey?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
tonight lets celebrate not being married
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
