Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
