I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You took a bar mat shot.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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