I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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