Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
