The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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