new low.... made out with someone while peeing
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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