38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize