Yo dont text me then not text me
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The beer is more important than you right now.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm too high and old for this...
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
