first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
