She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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