Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
