I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
