you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
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So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
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while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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