I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
