i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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