im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
