Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
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