If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
