I am puke
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
